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The truth is I would rather be watching the Oscars. In fact, I am out of the corner of my eye, the TV humming silently as I try to focus on my introspective journaling.
I have done rather well this week, I believe, sticking to my 40 Days to Personal Revolution program as best as my schedule will allow. I got to class at North Shore Yoga almost every day, practice at home often and find myself craving ice cream less frequently. I simply can't seem to turn off my multi-tasking habits. Maybe it's a female thing. I don't know.
I wonder how on earth I will ever find true balance. I pray to simply hold tree pose for 30 seconds.
I doesn't matter how carefully I plan my days. Something or someone always manages to throw me a little off course. Careless drivers can still annoy me after a meditative morning yoga practice and I am momentarily overwhelmed by my e-mail inbox on an hourly basis.
Yet somehow these provocative details of modern life don't seem as critical as they did two weeks ago. I find myself able to breathe through situations as I allow my mind and my muscles to relax.
There have been times in my past when I have learned to let the little things go, days when my personal battle with disease has forced me to put it all in perspective. I lived with many physical challenges and was forced to relinquish control over certain areas of my life. In a strange way, my illness led me to my freedom. Prayer and practicing yoga were the foundations of my days, and I began to find true joy in the simplicity of the new life I had discovered.
Over time I began to feel better and my energy slowly returned, as did my tendency toward neurotic perfectionism. I began to tackle several tasks at once yet again and felt the poison of impatience creeping back into my life.
These last two weeks have helped me find my way back to the peace that I felt when I was most vulnerable due to illness. Now I am relearning what it is to be vulnerable to myself and my true nature. I can embrace my self-criticism and turn it into an opportunity for growth. My judgment of others is beginning to take a u-turn toward empathy as I take the time to consider things that may have gone on that have nothing to do with me.
And my fascination with celebrity gossip is slowly dissipating. In fact, I am going to turn off the Oscars right now and go take a bath. But I'm still taking an Us Weekly with me to the tub.
Nobody said the road to enlightenment wouldn't take some time.
E-mail Katy Mena at kmena@tfpcommunitynews.com.
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